Forgiveness and Acceptance - by Tom Caswell

Forgiveness and Acceptance
My work with adults has uncovered an interesting phenomenon. People are often hung-up in their lives by their unwillingness, or inability to accept certain situations in their lives and to learn to forgive.Often, I am confronted by a client on this topic as they state, "Why should I forgive for him/her for what they did to me. I did nothing wrong." You are right! You did nothing wrong, and you were victimized! But my question is; how are you managing as you carry the negative emotions from those situations around with you in your everyday life?

Julie has written a chapter in her Anger Solutions book which addresses this concern. She states, ' Many of us don't want to forgive others because we think that forgiveness somehow means we condone what was done to us. People think that those who forgive are weak and that forgiveness is a sign of giving in.' She goes on to add that we deprive ourselves of emotional freedom when we are unable to forgive and let go of the past.

On a personal note, I can attest to this. Many people hurt us and have done terrible things to us. The amount of energy it takes to continue to despise someone is incredible and this takes away from our ability to develop positive self energy. But forgiveness is not just about others. It is about us. How many times have we done things which we know were hurtful and unfair? Some people continue to deny their role in the situation and will scapegoat others by manipulating the situation or twisting the facts to make themselves seem less responsible. We have no control over these people. We only have control over ourselves and our behaviours.

Emotional Brass Ring focuses on how to learn to forgive ourselves as well as forgive others. How to accept your faults, learn from your mistakes and use this knowledge in a proactive way. How to use your past experiences to develop a more satisfied you, which in turn will enhance the lives of others through the normal 'ripple effect'. Emotional Brass Ring is about shedding ourselves of the unnecessary weight of negative past experiences and strengthening ourselves by positive, healthy decision making and boundary setting.We do not forgive for the reason of allowing others feel better. We need to do it for ourselves. Just another tool to utilize as you practice your personal self care and develop the 'you' which until now, you may have thought was just an unattainable 'brass ring'.
Posted by Thomas G Caswell BSW, RSW at 8:16 AM at http://myemotionalbrassring.blogspot.com - Please visit Tom's Blog and leave him a comment!

On another note - Anger Pros - please get your blog sites set up as well - let's make the most of this forum!
Julie

Coaching vs. Therapy - What Every Anger Solutions Pro Should Know

Specifically for Anger Solutions(TM) Coaches: The Difference Between Counselling and Coaching (courtesy of the International Coaching Federation)

Here are seven major differences between traditional psychotherapy and coaching:

• As coaches we don’t “treat” mental health disorders. Coaches are collaborators rather than experts. (This is the most difficult adjustment I’ve witnessed with therapists transitioning into coaching.)


• Therapists rely on psychological theory, etiology and treatment plans for wisdom; as coaches, we look within the client for wisdom.


• Therapy often asks, “Why?” and concerns itself with the client’s past; coaching often asks, “What?” and concerns itself more with the present and future.


• Therapy seeks to fix unresolved issues; coaching seeks to help the client achieve greater fulfillment, balance and be fully in the process of his or her life.


• Co-Active coaching focuses on the client’s whole life; traditional psychotherapy targets specific symptoms.


• Traditional therapists withhold intuitive thoughts; coaches blurt intuitive thoughts.

Top 10 Best Practices: Coaching, Not Therapy (Jeff Kaplan, 2005)

• During the intake, clearly define and co-design the coaching relationship with your client—identifying what coaching is and what coaching isn’t. See www.coachingfederation.org/aboutcoaching/about.asp, item #13 for a distinction of coaching from other services, including therapy.


• Ask your new clientif s/he is in therapy. If so, get written permission to speak with the client’s therapist, making sure the therapist understands your role and the coaching goals. Yield to the therapist as having primary responsibility for the client’s well-being.


• If the client is not in counseling and needs therapy in order to overcome a mental health disorder that is significantly impacting his or her daily functioning, do not begin coaching until the client is in therapy and is stable. If you’ve already begun coaching, then limit the focus and scope of the coaching to getting the client into therapy as soon as possible.


• Do not agree to provide coaching as a substitute for needed therapy, regardless of the value you might be able to provide to your client.


• If you are unsure about the potential therapy needs of a particular client, consult with other seasoned coaches, therapists and/or a lawyer who is an expert in this area.


• Document! For example, record in your client’s notes that you gave him or her a handout on “Coaching Versus Therapy” in the client’s welcome packet and/or keep a copy of the signed coaching agreement that clearly distinguishes coaching as separate and distinct from therapy.


• Continually seek out advanced coach training, especially in ethical practices.


• Continually seek to improve yourself personally, raising your own level of self-understanding and clarifying your own needs. The more self-aware you are, the more “places” you will be able to travel with your client and greater benefit you will be able to provide as a coach.


• Communicate with your client. Don’t shy away from a much-needed conversation because it might be uncomfortable. Share your concerns and ask questions.


• Trust your instincts.
  Adhering to this list of best practices will not guarantee a totally risk-free coaching business, but hopefully it has stimulated your awareness and will help you to minimize the risk of crossing into therapy territory. In practice, it is relatively uncommon for coaches to find themselves working with a client who should be in therapy instead of, or at least in addition to, coaching. If it does happen to you, however, hopefully you’ll now be more prepared.
  
  Jeff Kaplan, PhD, is a certified Co-Active coach, licensed psychologist, author and trainer. He has a full-time private coaching business, working with middle- and senior-level executives. He has contributed much of his spare time and money developing programs to help underprivileged and troubled youth. In addition, Jeff just launched his new “Build Your Coaching Business NOW” program—a 16-week marketing and sales program for new coaches (six months-three years in practice). He can be reached at drjeff@drjeffkaplan.com.
  

Video Highlights from CAASP Retreat 2008

I'll let this speak for itself...

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1st Annual Retreat a Resounding Success!

Many thanks to all who attended the First Annual Retreat of the CAASP - It was a wonderful 2.5 days - loads of fun, and truly inspiring for everyone. The full photo diary is on Facebook (search Julie Christiansen), but I have included a few snapshots here. This is the motley crew - a fun and crazy bunch!
Laughter "Yoga" - Workshop led by Shane

Julie delivering the keynote

Sandi facilitated a great workshop on Creativity
Paul Copcutt - teaching us how to brand Anger Solutions within our brand - terrific workshop! So much so that Shane actually proposed...

There are many more photos and video still to come! Keep checking back for updates...